Metamorphosis
Met – a – mor – pho – sis
a change of the form or the nature of a thing, or a person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means.
Reflections of a different lifetime.
This first picture is my 39th birthday party. About, a year into my journey. I felt like the most beautiful human on earth on this day.
My inside felt so beautiful and when I saw my outward reflection did not match, it was a no go for me. It was this birthday that woke me up. I was unhealthy here… physically. In my eating habits, there was fluctuating yoga here, I thought I was losing lbs but I was not and This was not the mother, wife, I wanted to be. Not a couch mom; a get down and play mom. Cartwheels mom, soccer coach mom…. siren wife.
This reflection just did not match my spirit at all.
That needed to change. This wasn’t how I wanted to turn 40. So the second picture is 2 days later after a 3 hour breakdown in my bathroom after literally losing my shit on my kids in public, we left the pool and I felt a collective relief that we were gone and that hurt. Feeling as if me and my children just didn’t belong anywhere… we came home, I made them lunch and the I locked myself in the bathroom and I broke down. God spoke to me that day. Told me that the issue of nothing seeming to ever work out in my favor or at all ever, was not my children or my husband or the way I looked but that I was unhappy. I was unhappy Inside!
I ate my feelings, I drank my feelings, I hid behind sugar and carbs, unhealthy foods, alcohol caffeine and overindulgence of cannabis.
Today my mask is off.
I cried out for change, for help, it was then I heard the plan and what to do. I asked god in those moments to restore me to the likeness of my creation, to be restored body mind and soul as I was intended for creation of earth, I asked for my purpose and my mission. I’ve always know it was something bigger than I was experiencing. I was not just a mother, a wife, a housewife…. I felt like a cumbucket and breast milk station, in an unhealthy unhappy marriage just two people reflecting hardship and struggles to each other. Reflecting our unhappiness within to each other. God told me I would remain unhappy until I changed, I was shown a little of what was ahead either way if I chose to change or not.
Hearing it was me that had to take the first steps. God promised to meet me half way, promised to follow up with two steps to my one.
God told me I would be restored to have faith that I had a purpose and to keep going. And showed me where I had not really ever fully committed myself to myself or God for that matter.
The moment I picked my self off of the bathroom floor I sprung into action.
First taking measurements of what was, then measurements of my bones squeezing the tape measure so tight as if I was squeeze the unhealthy right out of me; I established measurement of goals and feverishly wrote them down in my mirror with lipstick. That stayed there until we moved! At the end of the session after our plan was established I took a before picture which if you know me you know that I have not ever really taken an honest before picture. And maybe this one isn’t either but it was as honest as I could be. I was as cracked open as one would like, the tears would not stop falling and I when I went to take the picture I couldn’t look. I just couldn’t look myself in the eye.
No soda and replacing that with water was my first change, then I started replacing foods with healthy foods, started incorporating body movement. I lost my first 40lbs by December that year 2019 and held that with 10-more lbs. gone by the time I turned 40.
Today I have just turned 43 and I have no idea what I weigh. As I let go of the weight and the body image issues a long time ago. As I got healthier I stopped hash-tagging #83-57 and let it all go and kept going without the pressure of the goals as I started to realize what was really important. It is our health! Our relationship with ourselves. But I know I’ve lost a great deal of weight and inches, I know I have completely surpassed those numbers.
Today I know that my weight loss journey is not about looking good or body image. It truly does not matter what we look like but what we feel like. What I looked like when I turned 39 was a direct reflection of how I felt deep down on the inside. The same statement is true today. I look how I feel.
I took steps for what I thought was weight loss but it turned out to be steps toward feeling my best. Steps toward inner happiness peace and freedom.
I call myself a Metamorphosis Warrior because that is what I went through – a Metamorphosis, mind body and soul. I did it without drugs, without steroids, without a bunch of unhealthy substances, without surgery, without a coach or a team, without being able to afford a gym or healthy foods……. all the fancy stuff we think we need to do something. We were struggling financially so gyms, supplements, and all that was not an option for me. I simply started with what I had available at the time. Which was changes in my habits, a mindset to greatness and a Pact with God.
In 2020 I started with a supplement company that I thought was the answer. It just turned out it wasn’t an alignment for me. I wasn’t interested in being a slave to a product or to a MLM that wasn’t high ticket. I also wasn’t interested in competing with these women or doing it how they were doing it. Or selling “A Magic Pill” so to speak. At one time I thought I needed these supplements to lose weight but I’m here to say that you do not. By the end 2021 I had let go of the company and the products.
Four years later… this is me! Striped down and bare. Full of life and light. This is me, how God made me. I dedicate my practice to God every single day.
I’m so thankful for my kids pushing my buttons that day, for the entire pool wanting us gone, I’m so thankful for my complete breakdown because it led me to the biggest breakthrough I’ve ever had in my life. It led me to ME!
I am forever grateful for this rebirth, for the chance at life again. How many chances are we given? That I don’t know but I have had a couple chances to live the life I was born to live and I am not ever looking back. That day I drew a line in the sand and I did not ever look back. I went full steam ahead.
Where I am today took 4 years of dedication, hard work, sacrifices and faith. There were all the blood sweat and tears… through it all.
After years and years of losing and gaining and being wildly unhappy and just being unkind to myself or my body.
I’m so grateful I want to give I want to serve. God sent me so many angels through this journey! I know I’m someone’s angel too!
So if there is anyone out there that has resonated with my story and would like to start their path to themselves. To remember please reach out. I will help you for free as a guide. As service, as gratitude for the rebirth I’ve been given. We all deserve that.
Being kind to ourselves is the food we eat, the water we drink, what we watch, what we read, who we surround ourselves with, how we talk to ourselves, especially when we mess up, It’s everything. Are we pumping our bodies full of Tobacco, Fast food, pop, processed foods, alcohol, drugs, steroids, unhealthy supplements, we tear our muscles with weight lifting, or starving ourselves, cutting ourselves open to name a few… all to “Look” a certain way, to entertain lust from another human, acceptance, no wonder bodies aren.t healthy or performing for us, no wonder humans are obese and full of dis-ease. It’s these very things that cause diseases within the body. I am not judging at all, these are facts proven. I have been there and I still struggle at times. I just had a filet o fish on my sons birthday upset from being accused of not eating so I ate those feelings away with a fish sandwich from McDonald’s. I’ll show ’em, I’ll eat this fish sandwich 
and my body instantly felt and regretted decision 100. But I learned a really good lesson there. It was the last time I let people close to me decide who I am.
and my body instantly felt and regretted decision 100. But I learned a really good lesson there. It was the last time I let people close to me decide who I am.You know who you are. Go toward them and never stop! Never let Anyone tell you what you can or cannot do! You know!
Be kind to yourself and others. I promise if I can do this anyone can do it: I did it through grief, through trauma, through being poor, homeless, through a failing marriage, through loosing family, through it all.. here I am today. Happy healthy, in my power, restored and strong… not that I don’t have more work ahead but I’m pretty happy with my 4 year progress. It has been a road let me tell you.
Prayers my story inspires and motivates anyone to take a step toward the rest of their lives. To draw the line in the sand and never look back.
it is in my heart to help anyone, so reach out if you feel called and are serious about change.
DM me and we will set up a chat and see what’s up!
I love you
God loves you
You love you
